i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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