Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i now understand why vodka
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
