then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
