Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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