It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
