He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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