It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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