The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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