By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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