I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just had sex bonerless
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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