In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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