What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
