if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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