I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
a search helicopter?!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
