Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
a search helicopter?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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