Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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