I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
