I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
