So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
