you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
