I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
