i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
