47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
