Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
