I wish I could teleport
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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