i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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