my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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