Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
