You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
