It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
