Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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