Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You may now shotgun with the bride
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
