if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
