I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
