C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
