and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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