are you so shy because you have an std?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i will never coherently bang her
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
