I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
