We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
