college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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