I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
