You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
