i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
