last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
