i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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