and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
