There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
