Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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