You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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