Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
