Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
